I am a teenager.
This is something most of my followers probably know. I’ve just finished my finals as a sophomore, and will become a junior in July. Age is something I think about a lot.
My mother says I think too much about it. Give it a rest, Maddy, she says. I think about life way, way, ahead, imagining how the contours of my world will change and give way to something beautiful and unexpected and thrilling.
But I’ve never – not once – thought about my past. How I changed from who I was, to who I am now. You may scoff – after all, I was just a kid. Am still one. What could possibly have changed, or if it has, how the hell is it so significant?
Well, it is to me. As a child, I had a lot of problems to face. Problems I had to face all alone. These weren’t just some petty problems about my favourite color or my new toy that wasn’t working or whatever it is you’re thinking. No, these were major problems I faced – about myself, about what I meant to others, and simply what my existence meant in this world.
I was a quiet child – I didn’t share much, and didn’t have anyone close enough to share these problems with, except my mother, who was all alone taking care of my infant sister at that time since my dad was abroad working. When he did come to India to meet us, I don’t remember much, but I do know I was afraid of him. He had a very short temper. He still does.
So I bottled it all up, and it took a lot of time for me to start voicing my thoughts. The first person who ever, ever, knew me, the way I was then, was my best friend, Zaynab. We were both in sixth grade, I think, and she was the first person I ever opened up to, about my problems, about my life. Then came Sam, and I was possibly the most spoilt best friend you’ll ever hear of.
These two taught me to be the extrovert I am today. My relationship with my mother and father is now borderline hilarious, like we’re all best friends or something. My father has become amazingly easy going, though he still gets mad at minuscule things sometimes. It’s a mania of his.
My parents and I- We’re always making fun of this or that, and I am not ashamed to admit that my mother has been my best friend right along side Zayn and Sam (I love you both) throughout my whole journey,
Opening up like this isn’t something I do often, or will do in the near future. I’m not a sentimental person, but I do have boundaries. My best friends, they changed my life. New ones, and old. The two most amazing people I have ever known, have taught me how to survive in this world. They have taught me to be strong and appreciate myself and my life and what I’ve been given. Sam and Zayn – both of them are a large part of my life, and I have to leave them soon. We’re all parting now that sophomore year is over.
But I am thankful for them, and for this wonderful realisation that changed my life, personal or otherwise, that came from these two.
I love you guys.